I’m just so tired thinking of you. It’s been what, almost half a year since I ended whatever we had? And yet, despite of how much I don’t want to be with you, you’re still always, constantly on my mind. I’m just so confused, okay maybe I did like you, but come on, you were the first person to have ever given me that much attention and let’s face it, you were the first to have ever liked me, who wouldn’t miss that?

It’s just that everywhere I look, anything I hear, it reminds me of you. I guess it’s true what they say, once you spend that much time with a person and share a part of your life with, you’ll keep looking for it once it’s gone, no matter how much you despise them. This is why I’m confused, I didn’t like you, I liked the things you did, cos for once in my life I felt as if I was worthy to be loved by someone and that I felt important to someone other than those who should.

Do you still think of me? Do you think of me the way I still do? Do you get that sinking feeling everytime you hear or see things that remind you of me? Do you die a little when someone mentions me or when you remember times we spent? Am I still constantly on your mind? Cos you are, and it’s killing me so much that today I saw someone that looked like you and your face was all I could see. Why? Just..could someone please tell me why?

I’m so tired, just so so tired. I’ve tried to distract myself with so many things, but those would only work temporarily. There was one point last week when I actually thought I was gonna be able to move on completely, I finally felt freedom. That lasted for about 2 days, after that, I succumbed to my old self.

Oh for fuck’s sakes, what is this. I’m so scared that I really am meant to be for you, fuck, cos I really don’t want to. You’re not my type, and I’m just going to kick myself to realise that this might be karma.

I just want to get over you, like completely. I want to go through a day without thinking an ounce about you, and when that day comes I will seriously just be so happy.

I admit, I really miss having that person who I can talk to and just.. I don’t know. I just don’t want it to be you. Please.